How to stop being accommodating

Surely, if life means anything at all, it means that each of us is entrusted with a certain irreplaceable fund of hours and weeks and years. No one ever runs into a butcher shop, and asks, “Would you mind watching Willie until I come back?To let anybody and everybody fritter that fund away is as if the trustee of an estate were to deposit the estate’s funds in a bank and issue check books to whoever applied. A bald, worried little man, perpetually tired but perpetually smiling — nodding his head and murmuring, “Right away, Mrs. ” No one, expects a hardware merchant to carry two-cent stamps, or grumbles at him, because he happens to be out of postal cards on Sunday afternoons.My goal is to be “less” accommodating; I still want to stay accommodating to a point, but I want more control in my everyday relationships.More control on my intimate relationships would be nice too. I hope you don’t cancel any plans to do favors for others…do you? Then there’s the approach of learning how to lie, just a little to get out of getting dragged into a favor. Well, now, ‘other’ people have told you that this is a problem. If it isn’t – be as accommodating as you want to be.It occurs because I am by nature very accommodating, peace loving, and directly avoid conflict.I get upset (without verbalizing) at the way I’m being treated, but I never know how to fix it.You only need to be unavailable for a few times before these requests start to taper off. My girlfriend used to have the same problem and it bothered her a lot. The concept that someone thinks you’re too accommodating is irrelevant.Over the years she’s been able to work through it and allow people to walk over her less, mainly from me just constantly telling her to tell people no or stop avoiding conflict just for the sake of doing such. I would spend some time thinking about how YOU feel about this issue.

My definition is a very simple one: "codependency" occurs when we put other people's needs ahead of our own on a fairly consistent basis.

In truth, when we are codependent, we are also people-pleasers who will go to virtually any lengths to avoid unpleasant conflict with others. You are tired of giving and giving to other people, without getting much in return.

You are concerned about the pain and /or abuse that you are experiencing in your relationships.

"I'm doing what everybody wants me to do," you tell yourself, "so why do I get mistreated so much of the time?

" Indeed, this will be a real dilemma for you as a people-pleaser.