He said he'd joined determined to overcome his intimacy fears but hadn't been moved by any of the women he'd met. I want to hear your voice."He called me that night, and was even smarter and funnier on the phone.
"Ever since my father died, I've been terrified to get too close to anyone..." The e-mail was long and apologetic, full of searing self-criticism and shamefaced confessions.
I remember the first e-mail I received from Jamie; it wasn't exactly poetic. Looking back, it's hard to believe what that simple line would lead to. At the time, I was nearing 30 and working as a secretary at a big investment bank in New York City—not exactly the fulfillment of a lifelong dream. So I checked out his profile immediately, but wrote him off just as fast—he lived in the Midwest and, more importantly, hadn't posted a photo. He persisted and e-mailed a few snapshots, along with a note. But it was at night that our talks really picked up steam. Paul's reaction mirrored that of my friends, sisters, and parents, so I clammed up. I was working in a dead-end job, watching my friends get married one by one, and kissing my 20s good-bye, having apparently missed the "Saturn Return," that astrologically significant period that occurs between the ages of 28 and 30 and is supposed to be marked by accomplishment, power, and prestige.
Turns out he was reasonably cute, and really funny. This went on for a couple of weeks until I said, "So, do you want to come to New York for a date? I canceled evening plans more than once just so I could go home, change into my pajamas, and curl up in bed with the phone. At some point, I again broached the subject of meeting with Jamie.
Counselling helps you take time out from your situation and see it from a fresh perspective.
Working with a counsellor gives you, or you and your partner, a chance to think about what you can do to change your situation for the better.
When you first come to Relate, you'll be given an initial consultation.
In this, a counsellor will talk to you for around one hour about what's on your mind and what it is you want from counselling.
I'm not looking for a relationship; I was just trying to have some e-mail fun.""E-mail fun? But his e-mail felt emotionally honest, and despite his obvious issues, I liked him. Within weeks, we were talking every day; that quickly developed into an obsessive six to eight hours a day.There is no way of knowing if someone is telling the truth.It’s a fact that there are some people who use the internet to chat to young people because they want to hurt them or make them do things they don’t want to.It also gives you a chance to explore complex or difficult issues in a safe and confidential environment.Relate counsellors have all received special training in relationship counselling.I want him to take the lead, be more commanding, and me to be more submissive.He goes along, does what I want, and half the time I have to guide him, goad him, and tell him to tell me what he wants or just simply do it. Maybe they say they live near you or like the same music as you. They might leave comments on your posts or request to be your friend on a site.Some people find this session is all they need to clear their head and help them decide what to do and that no further counselling is necessary.If you and your counsellor agree it would be helpful for you to come back, you'll talk about how it might be best to proceed.