But if you believe, like I do, that these things don't just happen to us, but for us, to grow our soul, then this might make sense. So I went for help, to the newspaper, the advice column. My mother kicked him out, after years of poverty, crashed cars, lost weekends. " And in my 14-year-old head, I thought, "I can fix this." It became my mission with school research papers, hints to Dad, and five years later, my chance finally came. I caught him before he left, and in a flash, I was on the phone to AA. The sensation of beginning relationships is much like being swallowed whole and re-wiring one’s self for a new identity — the identity of our new love, whatever he or she needs us to be.With that kind of beginning, it’s easier to understand the hallmark get close-pull away pattern that often gets established in relationships in which one partner grew up around addiction.
Their success often works against them, making them think they have their drinking under control based upon their achievements.I invited my mom to come live with me last year, after she left my father.She started drinking 20 years ago, and has continued to drink while living with my 22-month-old daughter and me.When one hears the word ‘alcoholic’ for most people a picture comes to mind of someone whose life is in disarray because they drink too much.Not all alcoholics fall into this stereotype, however. How can anyone really know if their partner, potential husband or wife, came from an alcoholic household? Sometimes it’s not known that someone’s parents are alcoholics — plenty of people have alcoholic parents without realizing it. Loving someone whose parents are alcoholics is challenging and often unpredictable territory.My husband and I are both alcoholics (in recovery) and his parents are both active alcoholics! First, I do believe that it is a physical disease that is characterized by our not being able to control our drinking once we have taken the first one; and a mental disease characterized by the obsession that nonetheless takes us to that disastrous first drink anyway!But, even with my own experience and knowledge, I am keeping our girls at a distance from Tom's parents. Five years later we married; 25 years later, we divorced. I had promised myself I would never marry an alcoholic. It's why I got involved with this brilliant organization. And I have the privilege of serving on the committee for their gala this May 15th, which over the years has raised millions of dollars in scholarship money, to treat young people, and rehabilitate their lives. I know what can await them, if they truly find recovery, because I have been blessed to witness the profound hero's journey that it can be. These four young people did, and with the help of organizations like Caron, my hope is that many more will. Who knew that one day, I would need an alcoholic to help save me. But he was a very shut down guy, a total workaholic who traveled all the time, and there were other issues, big ones, that I couldn't fix. And in my meltdown, I couldn't quite bring myself to go to meetings, to be with people. She changed her whole life with her recovery, and through her 12-step work and what she'd learned at the Caron Foundation, she helped me change mine. Right after Cory Monteith entered rehab, I heard the stories of four amazing young people and their journeys from profound addiction to recovery via Caron.