He wasn’t mean or judgmental about it—we were just about 18 after all—but he laughed at me when he saw the tears in my eyes and suddenly I felt misunderstood, and more important, pressured. I knew that my emotional reaction meant that something about him didn’t sit well with me. Meeting guys in bars or going on first dates was much more complicated during my college years, because when the time came—when that question,“Wanna come back to my apartment? That happened so many times that I practically perfected my responses, and, more than that, I avoided first dates. Would every “good” first date end in an invitation for sex?
Suddenly, my love requirement seemed flimsy and unattainable.
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He told me about his past sexual history, that he and his girlfriend had waited for each other, and that she was the only one he’d ever been with. I was expecting him to say that I didn’t seem like the “type,” or else ask me personal questions about whether or not I was waiting for marriage or something. I guess I just thought it would have happened for you already.” It was such a simple statement, so straightforward and honest.
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He was the bad-boy type—definitely more experienced than I was—and I was attracted to him even though I knew I would never have sex with him.
It was just too young for me; and anyway, I wanted to wait until I loved the guy I was with, and my first boyfriend was just a crush.